I'm Sorry

To the parent/guardian that just happened to find me in my office two hours after I was off work, 

I first and foremost want to apologize to you. I'm sorry that you have had to face many challenges raising the man sitting next to you because he has been diabetic his whole life. I know that must be frustrating at times, especially on days like today. I'm sorry that your son told you inaccurate information, and contrary to his belief, I'm not just a rule enforcer. If I could, I would have shed some light onto the situation and let you know what exactly he and his roommates were in trouble for, as it was much more than just having a full size appliance. What your son failed to mention is the week prior to me finding multiple policy violations in your sons room, he was sitting in the exact same chair you are. The course of the conversation ran a little different though. You see, your son is failing at least one of his classes, and as a job duty I had to meet with him. I admit, my speech was probably a bit dull when he heard it, as I had said it to about 20 other students sitting in that chair too. When I met with your son, I knew he was different. I'm not referring to him being diabetic, but I am talking about his lack of enthusiasm and drive. I now want to apologize to your son.

I'm sorry that you've been burdened with being diabetic. I know growing up it was probably difficult to explain to the other children in your class why you got to eat during extra times, why you may have had to go see the nurse more frequently, and why they might not have understood. I'm sorry that you grew up to be an athlete that probably got away with a little bit more than the average high schooler, because you generated the school money by being on their team. I'm sorry that you've now been in my office twice, and still don't really understand what it is I do, and why I'm meeting with you. I'm sorry that you don't see it now, but I care about you. I want you to live a healthy life, even if I took your toaster. I want you to go on after college and play sports professionally and make a gazillion dollars and provide for your family. I want you to understand that your actions today can impact and determine your tomorrow. I'm sorry that you don't understand this. Which leads me to apologizing to myself. 

Alex, I'm sorry that you can't get through this student. It's not your fault by any means. I'm sorry that when you found a large number of policy violations in this student's room, you were more upset than he was. I'm sorry that this parent/guardian who is critiquing and criticizing the thing you've put your heart and soul into is commenting on your "gay shirt" because they are frustrated you don't make policies. I'm sorry that you feel like you are the one with the problem. I'm sorry that you let this woman destroy the person you are by commenting on your sexual orientation in a negative way. I'm sorry that you let these words of spite make you question how strong of a man you are. 

 To all three people, the mom, the student, and the gay professional... I did not want these conversations to be like this. I did not want you to feel like you're not being heard or helped. I am sorry we have been brought up in a world where our problems can be so easily put onto someone else. But there's one thing I'm not sorry for...I'm not sorry that we came into each other's life. I think there's something that we can all learn. For me, I'm not sure what that lesson is, but I will continue to search for the beauty and love in all things, including the three of you. You're stronger than you know.

The Twenty-Fourth Year

Today I turn twenty-four years old. It’s crazy to look back at this last twenty-four years, but even crazier to look back at the last year within itself. There have been so many ups and downs, speed bumps and fast tracks, laughter and tears. For my birthday this year, I’m giving you all twenty-four things I’ve learned from the people that I love. If you didn’t make the list, it doesn’t mean I haven’t learned something from you, I’m just not realizing the lesson yet. Keep trying, I’m stubborn.

The first on the list is my brother, Patrick, who taught me that sometimes life works out so perfectly that you end up finding your best friend that will be there through it all with you.

The second is my mom LuAnn, who taught me that I should attempt to be more content with things that happen in life. Sometimes it’s okay to just be okay right now.

The third is my Aunt Becky, who taught me to believe in what you believe in, and believe it with your entire heart.

The fourth goes to my cousins Scott and Lindsey, who taught me to instill love into all that are around, young and old.

The fifth is my cousin Jessica, who taught me that it’s okay to stray from the itinerary, and there’s always time for a friendly competition.

The sixth is my cousin Paige, who taught me that every day is a great day to take a leap in fashion.

The seventh goes to one of my closest friends since circa 6^th grade, Trustyn and his partner James. They’ve taught me that I can overcome just about anything with a best friend by my side, and that every day is a perfect day to spread a little sunshine.

The eighth goes to Lia and James, who taught me so many lessons it’s unreal, but most notable is that you can always get the help you need if you simply ask.

The ninth goes to my former advisor Courtney, who taught me to always go the extra degree, to never give up, and to always strive for excellence.

The tenth goes to my friend from planet weird, Keely, who taught me to work hard and play hard…and that you’ll always find adventure if you just open your eyes and look around.

The eleventh goes to my newfound friend Missy, who taught me that it isn’t the quantity of time that you’ve known someone that makes them a good friend, but it’s the quality of the time you’ve spent together. And you can climb a mountain in 30 minutes flat if you have a good enough reason.

The twelfth set of people are my friends Brandon, Cameron, Kenneth, and Lauren, who taught me that through ups and downs, drinks of vodka and drinks of water, friendship never dies.

The thirteenth person is Caleb, who showed me what it means to be a young, professional homosexual in Student Affairs, now I just have to find me an even younger, clueless gay to lead…

The fourteenth set of people I’ve learned something from is Yousef and a wild lady named Momma. They taught me that the limit truly does not exist when it comes to putting love into the world.

The fifteenth bunch of people that have taught me something is Blakely and Alex, who reminded me to always have fun, and that you’ll never live it down being a boss ass bitch during group presentations.

The sixteenth person that I learned something from was Edgar, who taught me to always find the beauty in the world around you, and to never settle for something less than you’re worth.

The seventeenth thing I’ve learned this year comes from the dynamic duo of Dustin and Elise, who taught me what true friendship is…and how to get zooted.

The eighteenth thing I’ve learned comes from Angelia and Jackie, who taught me that good things come to those who wait, you just have to be patient.

The nineteenth thing I’ve learned is from Sheri, who taught me that life is such a great journey, and fairy tales are real.

The twentieth person who taught me something is my girl Make It Raina, who taught me to give thanks to those you love.

The twenty-first person who taught me a valuable lesson is Kasey, who taught me that it’s always a good night for Kesha, glitter, donuts, and standing up for what you believe in.

The twenty-second person that taught me something is Haley, who taught me that opposing views can still equal a similar heart.

The twenty-third thing I’ve learned comes from Brooke, who told me to always be yourself, no matter how whacky, colorful, furry, or weird the world might see you as.

The twenty-fourth thing I’ve learned this year comes from Leo, who taught me that just a few short months together can change your mindset for the better, and that a gay and a straight can be friends…and that he wasn’t a scoob.

These things and people have shaped me for who I am today, but I think there is also a twenty-fifth person I’ve learned from this year; myself. I’ve taught myself this year to love myself, always. To drink all the water I can. To always try to be optimistic. To forget fear, it only holds me back. Live in the moment. Don’t be so hard on myself. Listen. Sometimes making the hardest choice also equals the right choice. Be confident in what I’m doing. See the bigger picture. Have a healthy disregard for the impossible. Believe. Lastly, always be you. The world is a much better place because of it, people don’t like what they don’t understand, and you’ll always have the people mentioned above fighting with you for all that is good in the world.