Feminism Rerailed

It was recently brought to my attention that someone published an editorial in my campus newspaper titled "Feminism Derailed" (page 11 for your curious minds) where the author discusses the backlash British physicist Matt Taylor received for wearing this shirt.

If you can't tell, it shows various blonde women wearing almost nothing in different poses. Whenever I first read the article, I found myself rolling my eyes again and again because of the ignorant, uneducated, and sometimes offensive things this author had written. After much internal debate I decided I was going to write a letter to the editor. I sat down at my desk fingers ablaze ready to completely tear this article apart when I realized I didn't know where to even begin on writing a letter to the editor. After a few Google searches, I knew all of the basics and I began. One thing I noticed is that a letter to the editor should be clear, concise, and under 300 words...my first draft was a few words short of 800.

Dammit.

So I began cutting, pasting, rewording, and omitting. Next thing I know, I was tearing my own article apart. I realized that if I wanted myself to sound educated, knowledgeable, and slightly snarky well-written, there was no way I was getting below 300 words. I settled on 450 words and was ready to submit. Sadly, the paper has already been finalized and my submission will not be published so I am sharing it with you all.

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Dear Editor,

I would like to address an article that was recently published in the Vista regarding feminism. The author expressed confusion regarding the opposition and offense taken by a group of "feminists" when a male scientist wore a shirt with females drawn in little clothing and promiscuous poses. The author was also sure to include some of his personal views on feminism as a whole. As a feminist myself, I would like to take this as an opportunity to share some information regarding feminism and discuss a few of the author’s theories written in the article.  The term “feminism” is commonly misunderstood and misinterpreted as women bashing men and wanting men to feel the same oppression that many women have felt and are still feeling. Anyone who claims or believes that this is feminism is unfortunately ignorant to the topic, as feminism is fighting for equal rights for all genders. At one point in the article the author suggests that if the tables were turned and it was a female scientist who made the discovery instead of a male and “wore a revealing outfit”, would the same backlash happen to her as it did to Taylor? The answer is no. The author is comparing apples to oranges. In one case, we have one gender wearing something that objectifies another gender. In the other case, we have one gender wearing something they are comfortable in and in no way objectifies anyone else. Additionally, that is not the culture of our society. It would be considered very wrong and very inappropriate if a female wore a shirt with men wearing so little. I felt that your author thought that because this man has does something notable, he should be pardoned for what is considered wrong. The change of culture does not and will not happen overnight. By looking at “small” issues and changing the way we view things is considered progression, something we desperately need even in 2014 (I think the author made this very apparent). In closing, I agree with only one thing the author has written. He says that there are bigger things feminists could be fighting for, and believe me when I say we are. I was member of a team that organized and dedicated an entire week to gender inequalities outside of pay wage of reproductive issues here at UCO. I would love to sit down with you and/or the author and discuss why this shirt is an issue, “bigger” fights for gender equality, and how we as individuals can stand together and fight for equality for all genders as true feminists would.

Thank you for your time,

Alex Baker, Senior at the University of Central Oklahoma

Ultimately I am so glad I did it. I was able to relieve some of the stress and frustration I had acquired by reading the article in the first place. I hope that this will cause a conversation or two to happen and that slowly the change will come. Until then, keep fighting the good fight and remember to always use your voice.

Drowning

I know the thoughts that cloud your brain like a sweet summer rain, it’s a downpour of negativity and self doubt. Each drop that rolls off of your skin is another thought that you shouldn't be having. Each drop that caresses your face is another set of staring eyes looking in your direction. Each drop that dampens your shirt is another whisper made about you and before you know it you’re soaked. You're drowning in the same puddle that just got your socks wet. You’re gasping for air as more and more people tell you "it’s going to be okay," but that’s not what you need to hear. It's not what you need to hear especially when those same people criticize your every move and treat you like you're the reason their umbrella is defective. You’re gasping for air as the water fills your lungs and you just want to give up but you hold on to the thought that someone might miss you, that someday someone might kiss you. You’re gasping for the oxygen needed to keep yourself alive, and you're grasping at the thought that you're wanted and that you're normal. You're trying so hard to stay afloat in this lake of insecurity, but you're sinking. Now you're completely submerged under this ocean of uncertainty. You look around you and you see what you've seen all along; emptiness.

They say that drowning is supposed to be pretty peaceful, but I'm going to let you in on a little secret... Drowning  in this world of judgement and hate is one of the most painful fucking things I've ever endured.

One Billion of Those People

As we go through life we can get knocked down.
We can be bullied, we can hurt, we can be beaten to the ground.
But all throughout this just remember something true,
one of those people aren’t worth one of you.

Through the smiles and the frowns that fall on our face,
through the ups and the downs we must embrace.
No matter the amount of discrimination you might go through,
ten of those people aren’t worth one of you.

You might have hit rock bottom and can’t find a reason to be glad.
You might be finding yourself in a constant state of sad.
It might seem like too much and there’s one choice left to do,
one hundred of those people aren’t worth one of you.


The exact meaning for this can be taken any way,
it’s meant for all to hear, whether you’re black or white, straight or gay.
Keep it locked in your heart for you to always view,
one million of those people aren’t worth one of you.

It will always get better so keep your head held high,
dear soul you are loved so much, please try.
Shout it from the top of your lungs next time you’re feeling blue,
one billion of those people aren’t worth one of you.

Leadershape Day Two

Day after day we find ourselves feeling beaten down, feeling less than we should...all because if someone else. You could've tried harder on that assignment, you could be quieter, you could be less gay or even less black.

Let that sink in.

Today's realization is a good one.

Why is it that we find ourselves being knocked down and having to somehow climb back  up by telling ourselves words of encouragement to counter what someone has said? The interesting part about that climb is that we sometimes knock down someone else in the process. It may not always be a direct blow to them. It could be that you laughed while someone made a "joke." Maybe you stood in silence while someone was being ridiculed. Maybe one time you simple has a preconceived thought based on appearances... So my question is why? Why do we allow ourselves to put someone in the exact same dark place we've been before?

Rather than knocking someone down, we should be the ones that attempt (what seems to be) impossible; try to ensure no one ever feels the way someone once made you feel. It's all so silly when you really think about it.

I've previously mentioned a few times that calling someone gay doesn't make you any more straight. Calling someone black doesn't make you any whiter. Telling someone they will go to hell doesn't make it any easier for you to get into heaven.

So why do we do it?

I'm here to say that you are perfect JUST the way you are. Those "imperfections" and "negative qualities" aren't that at all. In fact, they are the one thing that will allow you and I to rise up and fight for what is right. Thank you for being so imperfect.

As long as we are all standing there with our hearts and arms open wide for any and every person, nobody should ever feel less than or alone because we are all here for one common thing: to love.

Leadershape Day One

Have you ever just taken a chance on something while being so completely in the dark you're not sure why you've done it?  Have you ever just known deep down inside that the rewards would surely outweigh the risk? I am currently experiencing both of those tonight. I signed up last year for this leadership camp called Leadershape. In a nutshell, Leadershape is a 6 day leadership camp. The thing about Leadershape is that you know absolutely nothing about it, except that it's a truly transformational opportunity. This unknown factor is known as leadershape magic.

As I lay here on my (what should be) bunk bed, I find myself thinking a few things.

1. I hope breakfast is good. Dinner was nothing exceptional, but it definitely wasn't prison food. I just like to eat, so that's why this takes the first spot.

2. While I look back at the day, I can't help but remember some of the faces and some of the stories I've come across. I lay here in a state of mind that I can't quite explain. It's always so shocking to me that out of fifty something people, each person has a story. Each person has that grandma that died or that heart attack or even that injury that prevented them from following their dream or changed the course of their life entirely. While I am not silly enough to have thought I'm the only one, I am silly enough to forget that everyone has been through shit that has shaped them into who they are. The most compelling thing about this is the attitudes that follow the stories. We all live in a world where nothing is perfect, but we all have such different takes on life. We can choose to roll with the punches, play the victim, or sink into a state of content with the events that play out. We can't control the situation, but we can control how we react.

3. I keep telling myself that I'd much rather be somewhere else doing something else and  wish that I wouldn't have committed to this. But when I sit here and think of the good that's already come from me being here, would I really want to be somewhere else? Take advantage of the daily connections we make with people. Allow your heart and soul to be happy because you know that you've connected with someone. All throughout life we feel alone, but just through daily connections we can feel like never before.

I leave you with one of my favorite discussions I've had today; the perspective shift. Whenever you wake up, you have a choice. You can choose to believe today will be excellent, or you can choose to believe today will suck. Whatever you choose, it's entirely your decision. No one else's. If at some point you feel like your day has gotten worse or it is couldn't get any lower, just remember that you got to that point by having a shift in perspective. If all it took was a shift in perspective to get there, then why should it take something more than that to change it again? You have the power to control how you view things.

So whether you're at a leadership camp at which you're taking a risk on, or just having a bad day, know that you can change it. Today you are loved and you can do anything you set your mind to, even if it's just a shift in perspective.

Opportunities

"When one door closes, another opens."

This quote has proven to be true countless times for me.

In high school, I had my mind made up as to what I wanted to do. Give me a stage and microphone and I feel more at home there than sometimes even in my actual home. I love the lights, I love the costumes, I love the attention quite frankly. It was only natural that I continued my career of center stage and there was one school that was noted for being top notch in the industry; OCU. I was naive back then because I thought that college was affordable and I could just take out a loan or two to get my degree. Long story short, I was shut down hard by my grandma. I receive OHLAP which pays your tuition for any public University in Oklahoma. I guess I should now say thanks to my mom for being a fuck up, your lack of responsibility and a steady paying job got me something in life. It would be silly for me to pay so much money to attend OCU when I could attend another University for almost free. As I sat at the kitchen table back in 2010, I opened my acceptance letter to the University of Central Oklahoma. I was happy that I was accepted somewhere, but it wasn't really what I wanted. Two weeks later, I received my letter from the University of Oklahoma. I opened it, and much to my surprise I was not accepted. I guess I should have focused more on my studying for the ACT than on my studying of pop culture. I can now give over 100 facts about Ke$ha, and can probably only solve 100 math problems.

I came from a small town, so the thought of going to a group that loves and accepts me for being me sounded unreal. I joined the Gay Alliance for Tolerance and Equality with high hopes. At the opening meeting, the President opened with a speech that I found absolutely frightening. "If you're here to hook up, then don't come back." Was I about to get poached by one of the many faces in the room? No way!!! I didn't go back for the remainder of that semester, and part of the next. I had a friend who was interested in attending, so against my wishes we went. It was one of the most open and accepting places I had been to. People weren't having sex all over the place, I wasn't getting shade thrown at me left and right. I had more people welcome me at that meeting than almost anywhere else I've gone. I felt so comfortable and welcomed there, and I knew it was something I needed to be in. About a year ago, it was announced that there would be an opening for a leadership position on campus. I had been a very active member for the organization since mid second semester. I helped see the organization through its name change, new logo, recruiting new members, and planning some events. I was a shoe in for the Presidency. One evening I was attending another organization's program when the Director approached me and asked if I had any interest in joining the executive committee for them. I politely declined and said that if I didn't get the Presidency I would try. Two weeks later, I didn't get the position. I was pretty beat up about it, but I stood true to my word and applied for an executive position for the other organization. A few days after my interview I was called and was accepted.

The Director wrote something peculiar in a card recently; "I've never been so happy a student hasn't gotten a position." That has stuck with me since then. I can honestly say I've never been so happy I've been rejected from multiple things. Without those rejections, I would never be where I am today. I am so very happy to announce that I am officially the School Swap Coordinator for the NACA Central Region (which covers area in 8 states.) NACA is the National Association for Campus Activities, and not only is it an amazing experience, it's one step closer to my future in Student Affairs. I was up against both undergraduate and graduate students, and beat them out for the position.

Next time you get rejected, turned down, or declined, it's only natural to be disappointed in yourself. However, keep it in the back of your mind that there is something bigger and better out there for you. Keep reading your story, and never forget to turn the page. If you feel like you've come to the end of the book, then pick up the next one in line. Life is so full of opportunity and adventure, it's just up to you and I to step foot through those doors. I hope that someday you will be able to look back and can say with a smile that you've never been so happy you didn't receive an opportunity.

I know that I can.